it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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