we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
