hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
