I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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