I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
