Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
