it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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