Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
