if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
