new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize