My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Barsexuality is the new black.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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