wake up i wanna do it froggy style
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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