Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
