Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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