If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
