going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
