If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
