yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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