Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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