are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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