I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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