I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
