covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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