Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
