we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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