Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
