Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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