At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
