I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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