Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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