we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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