You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
