I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
