he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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