But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
