i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
