Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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