By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
