Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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