As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
