Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
