Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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