I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize