Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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