I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
