He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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