Dual....:-)
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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