I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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