First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
