if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Text me some of your sweat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
