Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
