I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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