So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
