yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize