hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize