Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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