i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
