Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
