Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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