wanna go halves on a baby?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
