my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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