No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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