The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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