hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
